The Perpetual Special

And when I love you I am a bottle of water
Trembling on a table –
My insides are glistening against the Winter sun
And I feel like I am of the same atomic structure as a cask of gold
But drinkable gold
Consumable gold
Gold that fixes your skin and kidneys and lungs and hair
And makes up so much of your body that we have become
Inseparable.

And when I love you I am every happy girl that I have ever seen
Holding an open letter with cautious hands
Jumping in puddles of old red flags
Leaning into the warmth of the fire
For the night where stars catch up our smoke and use it as fuel
To shine back down onto the grass
That ripples dew under our booted feet.

And when I love you I am embarrassing and I am regressed
And I am all I wished not to be
When I was the Cynic, fourteen, fifteen,
A wretched Diogenes grabbed quickly down from my pedestal
And taught how to love if the person you love
Has a kind heart and you can tell
From the way he wears his jackets.

When I love you I am better
And my flu is gone and my loneliness wilts and my skin is zitless and my muscles are strong and my head is clear and my tears are dried and my diet is cleaner and there are splits in my side and I am warm with untold stories and endless, endless looks.

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